Mom: I'm glad we lost that truck!
Me: You're insane.
Mom: I'm not insane. I watch CSI. I'm informed. And Criminal Minds!
Me: Mom, it's a winding one lane road with no turn offs.
Mom: You don't know! Maybe he was following us back to the cabin so he could hurt us!
My mother should not be allowed to watch crime shows--especially before we are scheduled to go live in a cabin in the Ozarks for the weekend. She gets crazier than a bedbug.
First, there was the truck behind us. Never mind that it was Diversity Weekend and it was the busiest Eureka Springs ever gets. She was determined that any vehicle following us was on a mission to rape, rob and murder us in our sleep.
Then, came the paranoia of feeling that we were being watched from the woods. I thought she was going to have a heart attack when I told her the cabin would be unlocked with the keys on the counter. She fretted about the possibilities of someone lying in wait in the cabin for us to walk in, resulting in our subsequent rape and murder. The first thing she did was check every room in the cabin. Secondly, she turned on every. single. light. Then, she closed all the curtains so no one could see into the rooms. She even went so far as to lock the door each time we went to get a bag from the van. .____. She also insisted on locking both locks when we left the cabin, fretting the one time I only locked the bottom lock.
Her wretched driving and paranoia aside, we had a great time. We both had a much needed vacation. We need to do something like that more often, since Dad has proven himself capable of being left on his onesies for more than a day.
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